The thoughts that go into making a choice can be very simple and direct. The effort of deciding when to brush your teeth doesn't expend a lot of energy or create any real stress. "Can I get my teeth clean during this commercial break?" may cause urgency, but it won't be soul-crushing if you get it wrong.

Thinking about an absolute mountain of "no kidding," the more thought and stress we give to a choice, the more room we have to second guess after the dust settles, and we begin our life on this new path. The immediate relief of having made the choice can be relieving and even give us joy.

However, in the dark of night as we lie in bed staring at the shadows of the spinning ceiling fan, that choice, and new path take on a very different spector. Doubt and second-guessing begin to chisel away at the facade of "I've got this." I don't know if this is normal for everyone, but it is the typical cognitive path that I take. 

I like order and structure. I find immense comfort in knowing what is ahead of me, whether good or bad. I don't think I'm unique in this way of thinking. 

The other day I mentioned that a choice had been made. At the moment, the relief was great, and I felt so much lighter. By the next morning, I began to struggle again with the consequences of that choice, and I felt the energy expended over the previous may have been a waste.

I'd love to have an answer to it all, but I don't at this point. I'd love to reach into the cabinet in my brain and pull out the "happy balm" to cure all that ails me. Grace. Time. Effort. These will reveal what needs to be done and help with the journey down the new path. As the flower goes from a small bud and evolves into beautiful bloom, we find the acceptance of the choice and adapt.